Involving Children in Visits to Older Relatives

Why children's visits can be so valuable

When a grandparent or great-grandparent moves into residential care, visits can feel daunting for younger family members. Children may worry about what to say, or find the environment unfamiliar. Yet with a little planning, these visits can become some of the most rewarding moments for everyone involved. For the older adult, seeing a child's face light up brings genuine joy, a sense of continuity, and a welcome break from routine. For the child, it is a chance to learn about ageing, to practise empathy, and to build memories that will stay with them. You do not need to plan elaborate activities. A simple game, a shared drawing, or a photo album can create a natural connection.

Preparing children for the visit

Before you go, talk to your child about what to expect. Describe the care home: there may be wheelchairs, walking frames, or other residents who are confused or noisy. Explain that their relative might be tired, forgetful, or hard of hearing, and that this is not their fault. Choose a time of day when the older person is usually most alert — often mid-morning or after a nap, avoiding mealtimes and medication rounds. Keep the first visit short, perhaps twenty to thirty minutes for a young child. Pack a small bag with a few activities: a deck of cards, a favourite book, crayons and paper, or a simple board game. Role-play a greeting at home, such as "Hello, Grandma, I've brought my colouring." Reassure your child that they can take a break if they need to.

Simple games that work well

Games give structure to a visit and take the pressure off conversation. Choose activities that are easy to adapt and do not require fast reactions or good hearing.

• Card games: Snap, pairs, or a simplified rummy. Use large-print cards if available, or make your own with thick paper.
• Board games: Snakes and ladders, dominoes, or ludo. Let the older relative roll the dice or move the pieces — this keeps them involved.
• Verbal games: I-spy, twenty questions, or "name that tune" using familiar songs. Singing nursery rhymes together can be surprisingly joyful.
• Gentle physical games: Balloon keepy-uppy (if there is space and no risk of falls), or passing a soft ball back and forth.
• Memory games: Place five everyday objects on a tray, cover them, and see how many you can remember together.

Keep the rules flexible. If the older person loses track, gently steer the game back on course. The goal is laughter and connection, not winning.

Drawing, colouring and making things together

Creative activities are calming and require very little conversation. Bring a small pack of crayons or felt-tip pens and a pad of paper. Avoid messy paints unless the care home gives permission. Here are some ideas:

• Draw each other's portraits — silly or serious. The older relative can describe what they see while the child draws.
• Ask the child to draw a favourite memory with their relative: a day out, a birthday, or a pet.
• Bring simple colouring sheets with flowers, animals, or mandalas. Colouring side by side is a shared, quiet activity.
• Make a card or bookmark for the older person's room. Write a short message together.
• Leave the finished drawings on the bedside table or wall, so the older relative can enjoy them later.

If the older person has difficulty holding a pen, they can choose colours, direct the drawing, or simply watch and comment. Praise their involvement, not the finished product.

Photo albums and memory sharing

Printed photographs are far better than a phone screen for older eyes. Put together a small album with pictures from different eras: the older relative as a child, their wedding day, family holidays, and recent photos of the children. Sit together and turn the pages slowly. Ask open questions: "Who is this? What was she like? What happened next?" Let the child point and ask their own questions. If the older person is willing, record their stories on a simple voice recorder or write them down afterwards. You could create a themed album, such as "Grandad's garden through the years" or "Our family holidays". This activity often sparks the most natural conversations and leaves the child with a real sense of family history.

Practical tips for a smooth and meaningful visit

Always check with care home staff about the best times to visit and any restrictions. Bring a small snack and drink for the child, but check first whether the older relative has dietary needs or allergies. Have an exit plan: if the child becomes restless, go for a short walk in the garden or corridor, then return. Involve the older relative as much as possible — ask them to hold the crayon, choose the next card, or turn the page. Keep your own expectations low. Some visits will be wonderful; others may be brief and quiet. That is perfectly normal. Afterwards, talk with your child about what they enjoyed and what felt hard. Encourage them to draw a picture or write a short note to send in the post. Over time, these small rituals build a strong, loving bond between generations. It is not about perfect activities, but about showing up, being present, and sharing simple moments together.